Rich and Meg

Rich and Meg

Fabulous Fall

Welcome cooler weather! Thank you for some relief! I cherish your refreshing effects, but I do wish you would remain all day and not disappear after 1pm. I truly love waking in the morning and needing to put a sweater on to walk the dogs in the morning. I have even managed to wear some scarfs with outfits for a few days. But I hate dressing in fall clothes only to become overheated in the afternoon because it becomes summer like weather again...Fall please come - you are desperately desired now. I want to wear my favorite things without having to shed layers! Stay cool and remain cool!!

Things I love in fall:
scarfs, boots, tights/leggings, sweaters, cardigans, jeans, apple cider, candles, fall colors, falling leaves, open windows, coffee, pumpkin spice creamer, pumpkins, darker nail polish, thanksgiving; biking, walking, roller-blading without dying of heat stroke, fire pits, camping, walking in the city. . . I could go on for sure, but you get the idea.

Back in the Groove:
Homework again - Class - Subbing -Tutoring - Babysitting our godson Chase - it's on!

College: The Never ending Story

College again. 4 classes. 2 in the fall, 2 in the spring. Substitute teaching all wrapped in, and tutoring.. I am already exhausted and I didn't even start subbing yet!

At least I have a loving and wonderful hubby and 2 fuzzy soft snuggly puppies to come home to. Thank you Lord for the things we overlook every day because they are always there.

Cherish

no idea why this popped into my head..but it did, randomly, at the weirdest possible moment - any who..

remember back - those days as a child...that is longer for some than others...when we cherished the simple things in life?

candy necklaces, ring pops, water balloons, over-sized dresses for dress up clothes made to size with clothespins, grown up shoes that click on hardwood, play doh, costume jewelry, stuffed animals, legos, coloring, treasure rocks, stickers, board games, being outside pretending ur somewhere completely different in the world n ur able to be there in ur imagination...i think that's what i loved the most about being a kid...being able to imagine a place i knew existed or didnt exist n could live and play in that moment in that world without care of who was watching or whether i sounded silly..

today - those simple things in life are almost obsolete...how often do u see children 'pretending'? instead of hearing 'go outside and play" life revolves around the television and the shows on it, or the internet and computer games, video games...kids rely on these things for amusement and they no longer can amuse themselves and are always bored if those activities are unavailable to them. . i'm talking the majority...there are still those who don't really want or need those things...but most do. and the sad thing is no one is changing the habits forming because some parents are too lazy to be amusing their children..no one wants to be bothered anymore and those electronic forms of entertainment are the perfect babysitter..they can do what they want and the kid is occupied. i asked the children when i was subbing in june to write a journal entry about their weekend and what they did with their family/parents. not one child did a single thing with their family. the answers revolved around the tv and the computer. how sad is that?

so many....

ok - for those of you who had a baby - they are precious and adorable and i love them so please do not be insulted by my ramblings...

however - i feel like i have been bombarded with baby pics on facebook! everyone seems to be pregnant or having a baby and it seems to have happened all of a sudden!

now - im truly and deeply happy for so many couples..the ones who went about it the way God wants it to, but some didn't and for those people the miracle of the baby is wonderful but i'm not so thrilled for them for some reason...its not as beautiful when it's not the way God wants it...the baby is beautiful and a miracle and creation of God...but the way some went about it was wrong and sinful n in that i am not as happy and joyful in that birth...

am i judgmental? am i cruel? am i mean spirited and uncaring?

no, i think not...there is a reason God tells one man and one woman to marry and to be fruitful and multiply - thats how it's supposed to be....a family. a foundation. a balance. and it's just plain...awkward when the other half isn't in the picture (by choice) and can create a lot of adversity that wouldn't exist if said picture was filled in completely. now am i saying God can't work in that situation? no, and it happened so therefore it was also part of God's will for those people...but it just saddens me and my heart breaks when it happens the the way God did not intend for it to.

The end.

Desperate but Not Despairing Yet

Welcome back for those who actually read...possibly no one...however I shall write anyway - I have that itch again I guess to type something.

Currently - subbing has been better than expected and I am actually enjoying myself in spite of those children you just think need to have better parents which is what would cure their behavior(s). They learn the way to be because of their parents and what they allow so I can't blame them can I? Now some things and inexcusable to which I have repeatedly corrected on some occasions, but really - a substitute? What kind of change can I invoke since I am only there for a few hours? So, at one time I used to push all my energy into "changing" that child I knew others had given up hope on, but I can't do that anymore. It's too exhausting and I can only do so much. I am taking each day as a blessing with or without a behaving class, it's all a learning experience.

Future - desperate for a summer job...hopeful for subbing in the coming school year since nothing permanent will probably happen. As of June 21st I will need a summer job and have come up empty handed on all my attempts to be employed. I am getting slightly desperate, but I am not going to let myself despair...yet. I have put a few calls to some people and alerted them to my availability; hoping to find a babysitting gig of some kind...since I have a feeling that's going to be my only option...

For we are hopeful of things not seen....

Let It SNOW Let It SNOW

One thing that is so fun with subbing - Snow days
One thing that is not so fun with subbing - Not getting paid for that day off like a regular teacher does

The excitement of a possible snow day is the same as when you're a child, the wonderful possibility of a random day off is rewarding and gives one a chance to rest, chill out, and even play if there is enough of the white stuff on the ground. The anxiety that awaits the snow day is also noteworthy here, staring at the schools on the news popping up, constantly checking the lists online, hoping and praying your school comes up before you go to bed so you can sleep soundly and set the alarm a few hours back. Otherwise, you get up early to check, and for me, that kinda ruins the snow day glory because then you're awake and have to settle back down to try and catch some extra sleep. Don't get me wrong I can fall asleep, but knowing the night before is indeed the ideal situation. :)

Inspiration

While scouting around this site, I found some incredible blogs that I love. The real people, the ones who share who they are and what they are about are the ones that are worth reading.

I used to write in a xanga in high school and college - I still have it in fact - but no one reads it anymore. Facebook is the new xanga. And I admit, I spend countless hours on it, but for what purpose I ask myself? To see new pictures, sure, to check out what my friends are doing, sure, to snoop around and see what is going on since I feel out of the loop sometimes, absolutely. There are now games on facebook- mafia wars, farmville, yoville, petville, etc. I myself am addicted to farmville, I guess it connects to my 'little house on the prairie' love from my childhood. But why? I guess because it's the thing to do? Sad reality isn't it? But everyone does it, it's how 'my generation' is staying connected. We post pictures, status updates, events, groups, and links to share with friends. It allows a mass amount of people to see what you care about with as little reading to do as possible. Sure you can post notes and tag people in them so they hopefully decide to read it before they click to the next person. It's an immediate, quick way to gain and access information about someone else without ever actually talking or listening to them....how will this impact our lives down the road? Enough of that for now...

Back to my 'inspiration.' I am following one person currently. (Ok, I think maybe 2?) I am not sure exactly how to check that.. But this person is a real mom and wife. Her posts warmed my heart. She has a purpose in her life and finds joy in the little things. Where is my joy? I am blessed for sure, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a warm place to sleep, a husband to keep me cuddled at night, and a puppy who is my constant shadow in his eyes I do no wrong.

And yet, in all this I feel purposeless, useless, and worthless. I know I am not, but I feel it keenly. My job consists of me not knowing where I am going from day to day, or even if I will be working. Some nights I lay my head down and wake to the phone ringing at 5:45 am, or 7:30am to an automated system telling me about a job for that day and the reporting time is 8:30am.

My husband is the full time worker, he dutifully goes to work every morning to support us, I am grateful for him, for his dedication, for his love. Without him we would be living in someone's house if they let us impose on them for that matter.

While I wait for a more permanent job, the one I have leaves me feeling useless. I go in to a school, I smile and say hi, make nice with teachers, do my best, and hope word spreads that I fulfilled my duty and kept the children from breaking out into complete chaos and maybe actually learned something. I heard the road to a full time elementary teaching position is a tough one, a competitive one. I feel that I am called to be in public schools, somewhere...I don't know why, but when I was interviewed by my alma mater for a first grade teacher position I just did not feel right about it. I know in my heart now it was not for me, but the need for a 'real job' was so heavy in our lives that my decision was not an easy one.

Here I am, subbing. What difference am I really making? Sure, the kids love me, they hug me, they remember my name, but it's for one day. Maybe more if the teacher is ever out again and remembers me in the long list of substitutes. But the feeling of worthlessness and uselessness still eats away at me as I long for a classroom of my own, with my own students. Students who will know my expectations and know that I love them differently, that I am not just parroting another's orders.

I ask and pray that I know the right way when the time comes, but really, O Lord how long? How much longer must I wait? What is Your timing? Because it's definitely not immediate like a facebook update...

Beginning

This is my first entry. No idea what to write, since no one is going to read it. :)